need to air my thoughts....
as of late, my relationship with janice would be, what i consider, wierd... or to put it more clearly, distant... everyday, i feel like im one step closer to losing the girl i love, and yet i cat seem to bring myself to care abt it... as always, my mids going crazy, being torn in 2 separate directions...
the feeling of being distant from her comes from the part that i dont feel involved in her life, and how her life is no longer involved in mine... or should i say minimal... to me, i feel like ive grown too accustomed to her being away...
the otherside of me is feeling miserable, and in pain... i dont want this to end, i dont want something this good in my life to slip away... while i may feel completely void from janices life and unimportant in her life, the mere thought of being apart from her tears me up...
at times i feel like the word relationship is just there for names sake... whats the point in being together if we dont have any effect on each others life? and i say this with much hesitation and hurt, because it pains me to think of not being with janice...
all the frustrations i shared with you (janice), on monday... i was not really pissed off about those things... i just felt so trapped, and what i was really feeling was helpless... helpless that my relationship may be breaking apart in front of my very eyes...
you know i dont blame janice when she complains that i dont call enough... somehow i feel like im at a point where i am deliberately attempting to fuck up my relationship...
its hard being in the office sometime, namely because i always go there feeling so damn fucked up abt my relationship... its like i go out to talk to janice on the phone for an hour, sometimes i come back feeling like crap, and then i put on a facede to the guys in the office, that im the happy go lucky guy....
who knew that love could hurt so much....
janice if you read this, please call me so we can talk it out...
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