Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
alvin had a concussion today.... we were skating the queenstown park and we were not there 5 minutes when he missed a 50-50 and smacked the back of his head on the ground..... he was disorientated for a while and couldnt remember shit for a good hour.....
a breakdown of things he asked me:
07 x what day and date it was
05 x how he fell and bumped his noggin
04 x if i called felicia
03 x this is fucked
03 x did we skate with romke today
it was pretty worrying but after i brought him to the hospital he got better, started remembering stuff.... he said it felt like the memories from earlier in the day seemed very distant like they happened a week ago... thats how i feel after one too many glasses of henessey....
well he's fine now and thats whats important....
fuck i really need to get shit filmed for the video.... you know what sucks? coming to terms with your own inadequacies....
a breakdown of things he asked me:
07 x what day and date it was
05 x how he fell and bumped his noggin
04 x if i called felicia
03 x this is fucked
03 x did we skate with romke today
it was pretty worrying but after i brought him to the hospital he got better, started remembering stuff.... he said it felt like the memories from earlier in the day seemed very distant like they happened a week ago... thats how i feel after one too many glasses of henessey....
well he's fine now and thats whats important....
fuck i really need to get shit filmed for the video.... you know what sucks? coming to terms with your own inadequacies....
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
hi, my name is ken and would you like to hear about how my world recently collapsed?? well too late, your here anyway so fuck you and read.....
its a usual friday night, i came back from a night of skating at SP, which turned out to be really good because i was doing a whole bunch of backside tailsides to fakie consistently.... as most nights turn out, my brother and i decide to do some drinking and break out the scotch (our drink of choice).... as we finish up the bottle after playing card games and shots, we decided that we had enough for the night and went to our room to have a smoke.... the rain was pouring pretty heavily and i was pretty half-hearted about smoking, i hate getting my cigarette wet.... but drunk as we were, we decided to put on our raincoats we used during our army days and kept smoking, cracking army related jokes and laughing our fucking asses off....
heres where the world collapses.... turns out the wind is blowing into my room, meaning theres a lot of cigarette smoke entering my room and making it stink.... usually this isant a problem since we smoke at night when everyone is sleeping and the smell leaves within a couple of hours... this time though, my sister, who sleeps next door and has her room connected to mine via the toilet get us to use the toilet in the middle of the night, while the whole place is stinking of cigarette smoke.... she asks me if i am smoking and i quickly flick my cigarette and hide my pack while saying no.... but she is no idiot, so she confronts my brother who is still smoking in his room and me as well....
to say it was an emotional confrontation would be an understatement.... in short both my mom and sis are not OK with the 2 of us smoking and the worse part is that we have lied to them before, saying we have quit.... its not that we havent tired quitting before, ive tried a total of 5 times in my 3 years of smoking marlboro lights and each time i have failed miserably.... but lets be completely logical here, there is no sound reason that can be given to carry on smoking, the associated health risks, monetary cost and impact on my family is not foreign to me.... furthermore the excuses to not quit are weak, they do not hold water and serve to answer the momentary need for pleasure or absence of stress......
then again i still love smoking, and i love the calm and relaxation it brings to me.... top that off with the fact that i am an individualist who like to believe it is always in my own choices that i map out my life, i can see no reason for me to quit smoking.... in addition, it is in my opinion that unless a decision is made out of ones own choice to, regardless of external pressure and emotional blackmail, the choice and decision you make is not your own, you cannot be accountable for it and cannot say it is a statement you hold true....
heres the crux of the problem.... apparently there are many thing happening in my family that i am blissfully unaware of.... my sister, who has been making countless sacrifices toward the family, has been sacrificing her financial well being for us to the point where it is an immense strain on her.... she told the both of us that she has very little in her bank account, and despite her friends telling her that she should be saving money for her wedding and for herself, she is continuing to give till it hurts.... on top of that a recent health check up revealed that she might be having a fibroid growth in her uterus, which for me to say is horribly fucked is a grave understatement.....
remember what i said above about me making decision and calling them your own? well, the way i saw it was that it is a win-lose situation.... my family will only be happy if i quit but i want to keep on smoking, so how can we all come out of this chaotic bundle of wires? did i also mention that i hate things that might sound remotely like emotional blackmail? so i quit because my mother or sister are crying and begging me to, i will do so, resentfully, and know that i will pick it up again down the road in the near future....
so how can i make an empowered decision which i can live powerfully by and not have to bite my lip while making it? i dont think i can. because for me it smoking, smoking and smoking....
having said so much, it sure seems like i, as well as my family have reached an impass.... but after sobering up and having an early dinner just now, i began to think about how selfish my train of thought was....
1) you cannot expect someone to make a sacrifice just because you have made a sacrifice for them.... you made a sacrifice out of your own free will and to do so out of anything other would do injustice to the word "sacrifice"....
2) but, how can i not be moved at the sacrifice made by others on my behalf? have i become so cold and self-centered that i can no longer look at how much others are giving up for me and be simply concerned about my own pleasure? i have always been an advocate of being self-centered, doing things that you want to do and not giving 2 fucks about ifs, buts and maybes.... ask my friends and they will tell you that i am a self-centered person, not in the way that would make me an asshole, but in that i look out for myself and my pleasure....
if my family (mom and sis) willingly give up so much of themselves on my behalf, can i not make a similar sacrifice for them? like i said before, i used to think that doing things FOR someone else is a weak gesture, and an action you cannot stand by.... but what if doing it for someone else is the stronger thing to do? it still is a choice I made, and as long as it is one i made, i can stand by it.....
if i quit smoking this time around, its going to have to be an all or nothing deal, and all chip in kind of thing, simply because my brother and i have been down the track social smoking.... we know where it leads in that we will quit for a while, treat ourselves to a stick/pack and its all downhill from there, back to square 1 of buying 2 packs a weeks.... we know how slippery that slope is.....
at the same time, my brother and i both know we are each others best and worst influences... if he starts smoking again, i know i will start again, and vice versa.... for a lack of a better word, my brother and i are colluding mother-fuckers... so quitting this time is going to take us being each others best and worst influences again....
in the past few weeks, the term "thats how we roll" has been shot back and forth between my brother and i a lot.... my sisters friends questioned her, asking why she keeps giving up for her family while holding nothing back for herself.... the simple fact is that sacrifice is how she rolls.... in the context of the family, thats how things are, that we give ourselves to each other, without restrain and without asking for collateral or returns, and people will never get that....
i have forgotten about the family that i love with all my heart, and forgot the many wonderful things they stand for: the greatness of each other.... and if giving up smoking is the way i can give back to them and repay them the slightest for doing so much for me, that is a path i have to walk, and every time i feel the urge to buy a pack of marlboro lights to light one up, i need to keep reminding myself who i am doing this for..... my minuscule token of gratitude that i can give back to people that have stood for everything good and possible in me....
tonight will be my last night smoking... i shall do my UGC essay, go for a run and at the end of the night, crush the remnants of my pack and throw it away.... it wont be the first time i have done this, but i want it to be my last time....
its a usual friday night, i came back from a night of skating at SP, which turned out to be really good because i was doing a whole bunch of backside tailsides to fakie consistently.... as most nights turn out, my brother and i decide to do some drinking and break out the scotch (our drink of choice).... as we finish up the bottle after playing card games and shots, we decided that we had enough for the night and went to our room to have a smoke.... the rain was pouring pretty heavily and i was pretty half-hearted about smoking, i hate getting my cigarette wet.... but drunk as we were, we decided to put on our raincoats we used during our army days and kept smoking, cracking army related jokes and laughing our fucking asses off....
heres where the world collapses.... turns out the wind is blowing into my room, meaning theres a lot of cigarette smoke entering my room and making it stink.... usually this isant a problem since we smoke at night when everyone is sleeping and the smell leaves within a couple of hours... this time though, my sister, who sleeps next door and has her room connected to mine via the toilet get us to use the toilet in the middle of the night, while the whole place is stinking of cigarette smoke.... she asks me if i am smoking and i quickly flick my cigarette and hide my pack while saying no.... but she is no idiot, so she confronts my brother who is still smoking in his room and me as well....
to say it was an emotional confrontation would be an understatement.... in short both my mom and sis are not OK with the 2 of us smoking and the worse part is that we have lied to them before, saying we have quit.... its not that we havent tired quitting before, ive tried a total of 5 times in my 3 years of smoking marlboro lights and each time i have failed miserably.... but lets be completely logical here, there is no sound reason that can be given to carry on smoking, the associated health risks, monetary cost and impact on my family is not foreign to me.... furthermore the excuses to not quit are weak, they do not hold water and serve to answer the momentary need for pleasure or absence of stress......
then again i still love smoking, and i love the calm and relaxation it brings to me.... top that off with the fact that i am an individualist who like to believe it is always in my own choices that i map out my life, i can see no reason for me to quit smoking.... in addition, it is in my opinion that unless a decision is made out of ones own choice to, regardless of external pressure and emotional blackmail, the choice and decision you make is not your own, you cannot be accountable for it and cannot say it is a statement you hold true....
heres the crux of the problem.... apparently there are many thing happening in my family that i am blissfully unaware of.... my sister, who has been making countless sacrifices toward the family, has been sacrificing her financial well being for us to the point where it is an immense strain on her.... she told the both of us that she has very little in her bank account, and despite her friends telling her that she should be saving money for her wedding and for herself, she is continuing to give till it hurts.... on top of that a recent health check up revealed that she might be having a fibroid growth in her uterus, which for me to say is horribly fucked is a grave understatement.....
remember what i said above about me making decision and calling them your own? well, the way i saw it was that it is a win-lose situation.... my family will only be happy if i quit but i want to keep on smoking, so how can we all come out of this chaotic bundle of wires? did i also mention that i hate things that might sound remotely like emotional blackmail? so i quit because my mother or sister are crying and begging me to, i will do so, resentfully, and know that i will pick it up again down the road in the near future....
so how can i make an empowered decision which i can live powerfully by and not have to bite my lip while making it? i dont think i can. because for me it smoking, smoking and smoking....
having said so much, it sure seems like i, as well as my family have reached an impass.... but after sobering up and having an early dinner just now, i began to think about how selfish my train of thought was....
1) you cannot expect someone to make a sacrifice just because you have made a sacrifice for them.... you made a sacrifice out of your own free will and to do so out of anything other would do injustice to the word "sacrifice"....
2) but, how can i not be moved at the sacrifice made by others on my behalf? have i become so cold and self-centered that i can no longer look at how much others are giving up for me and be simply concerned about my own pleasure? i have always been an advocate of being self-centered, doing things that you want to do and not giving 2 fucks about ifs, buts and maybes.... ask my friends and they will tell you that i am a self-centered person, not in the way that would make me an asshole, but in that i look out for myself and my pleasure....
if my family (mom and sis) willingly give up so much of themselves on my behalf, can i not make a similar sacrifice for them? like i said before, i used to think that doing things FOR someone else is a weak gesture, and an action you cannot stand by.... but what if doing it for someone else is the stronger thing to do? it still is a choice I made, and as long as it is one i made, i can stand by it.....
if i quit smoking this time around, its going to have to be an all or nothing deal, and all chip in kind of thing, simply because my brother and i have been down the track social smoking.... we know where it leads in that we will quit for a while, treat ourselves to a stick/pack and its all downhill from there, back to square 1 of buying 2 packs a weeks.... we know how slippery that slope is.....
at the same time, my brother and i both know we are each others best and worst influences... if he starts smoking again, i know i will start again, and vice versa.... for a lack of a better word, my brother and i are colluding mother-fuckers... so quitting this time is going to take us being each others best and worst influences again....
in the past few weeks, the term "thats how we roll" has been shot back and forth between my brother and i a lot.... my sisters friends questioned her, asking why she keeps giving up for her family while holding nothing back for herself.... the simple fact is that sacrifice is how she rolls.... in the context of the family, thats how things are, that we give ourselves to each other, without restrain and without asking for collateral or returns, and people will never get that....
i have forgotten about the family that i love with all my heart, and forgot the many wonderful things they stand for: the greatness of each other.... and if giving up smoking is the way i can give back to them and repay them the slightest for doing so much for me, that is a path i have to walk, and every time i feel the urge to buy a pack of marlboro lights to light one up, i need to keep reminding myself who i am doing this for..... my minuscule token of gratitude that i can give back to people that have stood for everything good and possible in me....
tonight will be my last night smoking... i shall do my UGC essay, go for a run and at the end of the night, crush the remnants of my pack and throw it away.... it wont be the first time i have done this, but i want it to be my last time....
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Scorpions - Still Loving You
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.
Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.
Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
I'm loving you.
Try, baby try
To trust in my love again.
I will be there, I will be there.
Love, your love
Just shouldn't be thrown away.
I will be there, I will be there.
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Yes I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through.
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end.
I'm still loving you.
I'm still loving you,
I need your love.
I'm still loving you.
Still loving you, baby...
sang this song with my brother the other day at a bar, and we didnt screw it up.... plus it was fun and no we were perfectly sober....
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.
Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.
Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
I'm loving you.
Try, baby try
To trust in my love again.
I will be there, I will be there.
Love, your love
Just shouldn't be thrown away.
I will be there, I will be there.
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.
Yes I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through.
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end.
I'm still loving you.
I'm still loving you,
I need your love.
I'm still loving you.
Still loving you, baby...
sang this song with my brother the other day at a bar, and we didnt screw it up.... plus it was fun and no we were perfectly sober....
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
so my brother and i turned our good friend Sergeant Gwao out for another drinking session on saturday night and this one went in a weird direction.... lets just say whiskey+jagermeister+blavod vodka+jim bean bourbon is not a good combination, 2 of the 3 of us threw up and for the first time EVER, it was not me.....
appears my "training" in thailand was effective.... though i am still detoxing from it till today....
appears my "training" in thailand was effective.... though i am still detoxing from it till today....
Friday, August 22, 2008
looks like my brother took the trouble to upload them on facebook, but ill up my fav ones here.... i realized i uploaded them in the wrong order but im lazy to reorganize them so look at them from the bottom up.....
I doubt a caption does this waterfall any justice....
2 brothers, 1 damn big waterfall
the waterfall, and I say:"praise the lord!"
PS: do not show mom the photos of me on a scooter, as for as she knows, we rode a horse to reach the waterfalls....
observe the yeti in the background....
yet another amazing waterfall, my brother almost got washed away here.....
nature at its finest.....
riding a bike is such a rush, my brother insisted i take this photo.....
everyone sleeping from a night of drinking.... we are on a 4 hour car ride to the ferry to catch the boat to koh chang....
we are terrible at cam-whoring.....
day 1 at the beach and we are already treated with such a view.....
4 guys building a mound of sand, go figure.....
our before dinner scenery treat.....
we are terrible at cam whoring.....
i notice i rarely have nice phots of myself, mostly goofy ones.... but this is us at chinatown having a orgasmic seafood dinner....
who says bangkok city cant be beautiful.....
cant stop thinking or talking about the trip.... there were moments of tension but overall it was a blast.... thanks to all my friends for the memories and especially to my brother who was my wingman on the entire trip....
ill never forget sad soldiers, x-ray yeti's and rockets going ROOOOM......
too bad, there is only so much photos can do in expressing things....
I doubt a caption does this waterfall any justice....
2 brothers, 1 damn big waterfall
the waterfall, and I say:"praise the lord!"
PS: do not show mom the photos of me on a scooter, as for as she knows, we rode a horse to reach the waterfalls....
observe the yeti in the background....
yet another amazing waterfall, my brother almost got washed away here.....
nature at its finest.....
riding a bike is such a rush, my brother insisted i take this photo.....
everyone sleeping from a night of drinking.... we are on a 4 hour car ride to the ferry to catch the boat to koh chang....
we are terrible at cam-whoring.....
day 1 at the beach and we are already treated with such a view.....
4 guys building a mound of sand, go figure.....
our before dinner scenery treat.....
we are terrible at cam whoring.....
i notice i rarely have nice phots of myself, mostly goofy ones.... but this is us at chinatown having a orgasmic seafood dinner....
who says bangkok city cant be beautiful.....
cant stop thinking or talking about the trip.... there were moments of tension but overall it was a blast.... thanks to all my friends for the memories and especially to my brother who was my wingman on the entire trip....
ill never forget sad soldiers, x-ray yeti's and rockets going ROOOOM......
too bad, there is only so much photos can do in expressing things....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
im in bangkok now, and its the night before i have to fly home to singapore.... bummed, but im pretty sick of bangkok already, so thats fine....
it sucks that school and work are going to resume when i get back to SG, like it happened all too fast.... taking 4 modules and will be working at St James Power Station under a former manager, so that should be pretty interesting....
overall the trip has been rad, a couple of stressful moments but the drinking at night helped smooth it over... my favorite part was riding around koh chang with my brother on scooters, taking in the sights... fucking amazing feeling to have the wind blowing threw your hair while you gun the engine at 95km/hr, almost having my bro washed away when he fell down in the waterfall, chilling outside our room sipping fine canadian whiskey and puffing cigars, and watching an amazing sunset that makes you feel like the entire world was created for you alone.....
ill post photos when i compile them from shawn....
it sucks that school and work are going to resume when i get back to SG, like it happened all too fast.... taking 4 modules and will be working at St James Power Station under a former manager, so that should be pretty interesting....
overall the trip has been rad, a couple of stressful moments but the drinking at night helped smooth it over... my favorite part was riding around koh chang with my brother on scooters, taking in the sights... fucking amazing feeling to have the wind blowing threw your hair while you gun the engine at 95km/hr, almost having my bro washed away when he fell down in the waterfall, chilling outside our room sipping fine canadian whiskey and puffing cigars, and watching an amazing sunset that makes you feel like the entire world was created for you alone.....
ill post photos when i compile them from shawn....
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Bangkok is exactly 1 week away and my biopsych final paper is tmr....
i had a nightmare about bangkok last night: my friends forgot the time of the flight and we missed the plane..... thankfully it was just a dream...
macallan 12 single malt scotch from abby as an early xmas present.... i love that whiskey...
----------------
Now playing: Kula Shaker - Ballad Of A Thin Man
via FoxyTunes
i had a nightmare about bangkok last night: my friends forgot the time of the flight and we missed the plane..... thankfully it was just a dream...
macallan 12 single malt scotch from abby as an early xmas present.... i love that whiskey...
----------------
Now playing: Kula Shaker - Ballad Of A Thin Man
via FoxyTunes
Monday, August 04, 2008
4 more days to go before this sem ends.... then its shawn and abby's birthday/farewell party with plenty of drinking that must follow....
days till bangkok: 9
random skate stuff:
landed my first fakie tre on sunday thanks to coaching from my brother.... dude doesnt even skate that much these days, so its fun to get a chance to skate with him....
places ide like to skate someday: china, australia, new york, california (too many places to list), barcelona, france and germany
stuff i want to land soon: fs noseblunts on rails, backside boneless on ramps, backside noseblunts on tranny, backside lipslides and backside smiths on rails....
its a hot night any my underwear is wet from the humid night air....
days till bangkok: 9
random skate stuff:
landed my first fakie tre on sunday thanks to coaching from my brother.... dude doesnt even skate that much these days, so its fun to get a chance to skate with him....
places ide like to skate someday: china, australia, new york, california (too many places to list), barcelona, france and germany
stuff i want to land soon: fs noseblunts on rails, backside boneless on ramps, backside noseblunts on tranny, backside lipslides and backside smiths on rails....
its a hot night any my underwear is wet from the humid night air....
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