hi, my name is ken and would you like to hear about how my world recently collapsed?? well too late, your here anyway so fuck you and read.....

its a usual friday night, i came back from a night of skating at SP, which turned out to be really good because i was doing a whole bunch of backside tailsides to fakie consistently.... as most nights turn out, my brother and i decide to do some drinking and break out the scotch (our drink of choice).... as we finish up the bottle after playing card games and shots, we decided that we had enough for the night and went to our room to have a smoke.... the rain was pouring pretty heavily and i was pretty half-hearted about smoking, i hate getting my cigarette wet.... but drunk as we were, we decided to put on our raincoats we used during our army days and kept smoking, cracking army related jokes and laughing our fucking asses off....

heres where the world collapses.... turns out the wind is blowing into my room, meaning theres a lot of cigarette smoke entering my room and making it stink.... usually this isant a problem since we smoke at night when everyone is sleeping and the smell leaves within a couple of hours... this time though, my sister, who sleeps next door and has her room connected to mine via the toilet get us to use the toilet in the middle of the night, while the whole place is stinking of cigarette smoke.... she asks me if i am smoking and i quickly flick my cigarette and hide my pack while saying no.... but she is no idiot, so she confronts my brother who is still smoking in his room and me as well....

to say it was an emotional confrontation would be an understatement.... in short both my mom and sis are not OK with the 2 of us smoking and the worse part is that we have lied to them before, saying we have quit.... its not that we havent tired quitting before, ive tried a total of 5 times in my 3 years of smoking marlboro lights and each time i have failed miserably.... but lets be completely logical here, there is no sound reason that can be given to carry on smoking, the associated health risks, monetary cost and impact on my family is not foreign to me.... furthermore the excuses to not quit are weak, they do not hold water and serve to answer the momentary need for pleasure or absence of stress......

then again i still love smoking, and i love the calm and relaxation it brings to me.... top that off with the fact that i am an individualist who like to believe it is always in my own choices that i map out my life, i can see no reason for me to quit smoking.... in addition, it is in my opinion that unless a decision is made out of ones own choice to, regardless of external pressure and emotional blackmail, the choice and decision you make is not your own, you cannot be accountable for it and cannot say it is a statement you hold true....

heres the crux of the problem.... apparently there are many thing happening in my family that i am blissfully unaware of.... my sister, who has been making countless sacrifices toward the family, has been sacrificing her financial well being for us to the point where it is an immense strain on her.... she told the both of us that she has very little in her bank account, and despite her friends telling her that she should be saving money for her wedding and for herself, she is continuing to give till it hurts.... on top of that a recent health check up revealed that she might be having a fibroid growth in her uterus, which for me to say is horribly fucked is a grave understatement.....

remember what i said above about me making decision and calling them your own? well, the way i saw it was that it is a win-lose situation.... my family will only be happy if i quit but i want to keep on smoking, so how can we all come out of this chaotic bundle of wires? did i also mention that i hate things that might sound remotely like emotional blackmail? so i quit because my mother or sister are crying and begging me to, i will do so, resentfully, and know that i will pick it up again down the road in the near future....

so how can i make an empowered decision which i can live powerfully by and not have to bite my lip while making it? i dont think i can. because for me it smoking, smoking and smoking....


having said so much, it sure seems like i, as well as my family have reached an impass.... but after sobering up and having an early dinner just now, i began to think about how selfish my train of thought was....

1) you cannot expect someone to make a sacrifice just because you have made a sacrifice for them.... you made a sacrifice out of your own free will and to do so out of anything other would do injustice to the word "sacrifice"....

2) but, how can i not be moved at the sacrifice made by others on my behalf? have i become so cold and self-centered that i can no longer look at how much others are giving up for me and be simply concerned about my own pleasure? i have always been an advocate of being self-centered, doing things that you want to do and not giving 2 fucks about ifs, buts and maybes.... ask my friends and they will tell you that i am a self-centered person, not in the way that would make me an asshole, but in that i look out for myself and my pleasure....

if my family (mom and sis) willingly give up so much of themselves on my behalf, can i not make a similar sacrifice for them? like i said before, i used to think that doing things FOR someone else is a weak gesture, and an action you cannot stand by.... but what if doing it for someone else is the stronger thing to do? it still is a choice I made, and as long as it is one i made, i can stand by it.....

if i quit smoking this time around, its going to have to be an all or nothing deal, and all chip in kind of thing, simply because my brother and i have been down the track social smoking.... we know where it leads in that we will quit for a while, treat ourselves to a stick/pack and its all downhill from there, back to square 1 of buying 2 packs a weeks.... we know how slippery that slope is.....

at the same time, my brother and i both know we are each others best and worst influences... if he starts smoking again, i know i will start again, and vice versa.... for a lack of a better word, my brother and i are colluding mother-fuckers... so quitting this time is going to take us being each others best and worst influences again....

in the past few weeks, the term "thats how we roll" has been shot back and forth between my brother and i a lot.... my sisters friends questioned her, asking why she keeps giving up for her family while holding nothing back for herself.... the simple fact is that sacrifice is how she rolls.... in the context of the family, thats how things are, that we give ourselves to each other, without restrain and without asking for collateral or returns, and people will never get that....

i have forgotten about the family that i love with all my heart, and forgot the many wonderful things they stand for: the greatness of each other.... and if giving up smoking is the way i can give back to them and repay them the slightest for doing so much for me, that is a path i have to walk, and every time i feel the urge to buy a pack of marlboro lights to light one up, i need to keep reminding myself who i am doing this for..... my minuscule token of gratitude that i can give back to people that have stood for everything good and possible in me....

tonight will be my last night smoking... i shall do my UGC essay, go for a run and at the end of the night, crush the remnants of my pack and throw it away.... it wont be the first time i have done this, but i want it to be my last time....

if you hate on this video, maybe you are a nazi....

power tools+women in bikinis+house music=a winning combination....

working for 2 hours straight to land a backside tail is no fun....

Scorpions - Still Loving You



Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
I'm loving you.

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, your love
Just shouldn't be thrown away.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Yes I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through.
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end.

I'm still loving you.
I'm still loving you,
I need your love.
I'm still loving you.
Still loving you, baby...


sang this song with my brother the other day at a bar, and we didnt screw it up.... plus it was fun and no we were perfectly sober....

this thai song really rocks....

so my brother and i turned our good friend Sergeant Gwao out for another drinking session on saturday night and this one went in a weird direction.... lets just say whiskey+jagermeister+blavod vodka+jim bean bourbon is not a good combination, 2 of the 3 of us threw up and for the first time EVER, it was not me.....

appears my "training" in thailand was effective.... though i am still detoxing from it till today....

looks like my brother took the trouble to upload them on facebook, but ill up my fav ones here.... i realized i uploaded them in the wrong order but im lazy to reorganize them so look at them from the bottom up.....


I doubt a caption does this waterfall any justice....

2 brothers, 1 damn big waterfall




the waterfall, and I say:"praise the lord!"


PS: do not show mom the photos of me on a scooter, as for as she knows, we rode a horse to reach the waterfalls....


observe the yeti in the background....



yet another amazing waterfall, my brother almost got washed away here.....


nature at its finest.....


riding a bike is such a rush, my brother insisted i take this photo.....


everyone sleeping from a night of drinking.... we are on a 4 hour car ride to the ferry to catch the boat to koh chang....


we are terrible at cam-whoring.....


day 1 at the beach and we are already treated with such a view.....


4 guys building a mound of sand, go figure.....


our before dinner scenery treat.....



we are terrible at cam whoring.....



i notice i rarely have nice phots of myself, mostly goofy ones.... but this is us at chinatown having a orgasmic seafood dinner....


who says bangkok city cant be beautiful.....

cant stop thinking or talking about the trip.... there were moments of tension but overall it was a blast.... thanks to all my friends for the memories and especially to my brother who was my wingman on the entire trip....

ill never forget sad soldiers, x-ray yeti's and rockets going ROOOOM......

too bad, there is only so much photos can do in expressing things....

fuck im back in singapore, my holiday is over, and school starts again on monday.... fuck it, i had an amazing time with my friends, shared some time stopping moments with my bro, drank like the world was ending and saw some disturbing shit.....

time to upload some great photos!!

im in bangkok now, and its the night before i have to fly home to singapore.... bummed, but im pretty sick of bangkok already, so thats fine....

it sucks that school and work are going to resume when i get back to SG, like it happened all too fast.... taking 4 modules and will be working at St James Power Station under a former manager, so that should be pretty interesting....

overall the trip has been rad, a couple of stressful moments but the drinking at night helped smooth it over... my favorite part was riding around koh chang with my brother on scooters, taking in the sights... fucking amazing feeling to have the wind blowing threw your hair while you gun the engine at 95km/hr, almost having my bro washed away when he fell down in the waterfall, chilling outside our room sipping fine canadian whiskey and puffing cigars, and watching an amazing sunset that makes you feel like the entire world was created for you alone.....

ill post photos when i compile them from shawn....

bangkok is a few hours away..... duty free smokes and booze here i come!!

you'll be surprised at what 2 guys, a screwdriver and an intense desire to skate can and will do.....

I REGRET NOTHING!!

got busted by cops for skating at city link today....nothing major, just check ID and thankfully i didnt have contraband cigarettes with me, so i was fine....

this is skateboarding...

biopsych is finally over, nothing to do now but to wait for final grade to come out.... as long as he moderates from the class mean (62 and 69) i should be fine....

party and skate time!

Bangkok is exactly 1 week away and my biopsych final paper is tmr....

i had a nightmare about bangkok last night: my friends forgot the time of the flight and we missed the plane..... thankfully it was just a dream...

macallan 12 single malt scotch from abby as an early xmas present.... i love that whiskey...



----------------
Now playing: Kula Shaker - Ballad Of A Thin Man
via FoxyTunes

4 more days to go before this sem ends.... then its shawn and abby's birthday/farewell party with plenty of drinking that must follow....

days till bangkok: 9


random skate stuff:

landed my first fakie tre on sunday thanks to coaching from my brother.... dude doesnt even skate that much these days, so its fun to get a chance to skate with him....

places ide like to skate someday: china, australia, new york, california (too many places to list), barcelona, france and germany

stuff i want to land soon: fs noseblunts on rails, backside boneless on ramps, backside noseblunts on tranny, backside lipslides and backside smiths on rails....


its a hot night any my underwear is wet from the humid night air....

exam in 5 hours and 35 min, not stoked.... need to drive there in 3 hours and 5 minutes, maybe grab some mac's for breakfast and have my breakfast of champions (marlboros and red bull)....

FUCK! i want to skate, but for now its time to heads out....

i am totally brain dead now.... chpt 9 just cant get into my head.....

dbl o, shots, gin, vodka, rum, tequila, bourbon, whiskey, brandy...... oh yeah, memory loss....


study in school

run

go home to study

repeat for 13 days

"im not a prayerful man, but if your out there i hope you can hear me..... SUPERMAN, SAVE ME!!"

wise words from homer simpson....


just had a discussion about shawn's 18th birthday celebration.... it is going to be crazy.....

watch the dark knight...... stellar movie and heath ledgers portrayal of the joker is worth the $8 already....

fucked up the cinema location because i forgot to inform the guys that we change plans... thankfully samuel heckled the people at the ticket counter to change our tickets to a later timing.... thanks dude....

i usually hate paying for movies, but this one was worth it.....

speed racer was worth the $8 too, but only because im a fan boy....

todays psych test was fucked, but no point moping over it.... im going to have a nice shot of burbon in my batman glass to make myself feel better.... playing DJ tiesto's traffic at full blast is helpful too....


days till bangkok: 20



----------------
Now playing: DJ Tiesto - Traffic
via FoxyTunes

yawn..... rhymes with lawn......

1st psych exam tmr, and not feeling too stoked on it....

im blogging to kill time while my episode of the office loads, which by the way is really killer.... every study i break involves some episode of the office being watched....



----------------
Now playing: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen the Rain?
via FoxyTunes

saturday was one hell of a drinking session.....

happy 21st birthday abby....



----------------
Now playing: Dirty Vegas - Days Go By (Remix)
via FoxyTunes

finally got a hair cut today, 1st one in 4 months.... ashley never fails to impress with his hairstyling magic....

the weird look in my eye is because im trying to discretely take a photo with my phone without my friends thinking im a self-obsessed cam whore....

stuff i like: my new hat

exam on wednesday, working friday and saturday....

its going to be a hell of a week....

no of days till bangkok trip: 33, which seems too far away....

ok biopsych module is horribly fucked... samuel had to sacrifice his quiz today and it was still damn bloody hard....

this song by postal service is really good, the lyrics explain everything that people experience post-breakup, both the dumper and dumpee....



this isant the original video, sound quality on the original was horrible.....


Nothing Better
Postal Service

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

such a rad song by prince.... he really is a musical genius.....

7 in the morning, just finished reading a chapter in biopsych... its like fucking reading french!!

drinking at chevrons is always a good idea, so thanks to samuel and jo for booking the chalet....

the poison was as such:
a bottle of rum
1/2 a bottle of absout kurant
1/2 a bottle of tequila (that taste of wood)
1/3 a bottle of martell

shared among 8 people...


the order of craziness went like this:
studying and doing biopsych quiz together
dinner
drinking while playing dice
drinking while playing cards
proclaiming MANPOWER!
having a MANPOWER impostor (samuel)
having jocelyn join MANPOWER!
people deflecting sides while playing cards (MANPOWER vs MANPOWER impostor vs the girls vs the white guy)
allah is with me
singing with samuel
samuel having his underwear torn
throwing sameul upstairs to sleep
drinking straight from the bottle of rum
spin the bottle (i dont want to get into details but it shall live in infamy)
me wrestling with preston, and him kicking my ass
me getting my boxers torn by my brother
trying to sleep
dancing with samuel to mambo music (rick astley)
finishing the tequila with samuel while watching army daze
the migration of people from downstairs to upstairs and vice versa
crashing sometime around 4
waking up with a massive hangover

indeed it was a crazy night.... but super fun... thanks for all the drunken memories....

im having one of those nights where i dont want to sleep.... the night/morning is really serene, the weather is cool, and looking out the window is pretty much as good as it gets....

bunch of things on my mind....

1) the SIM party.... if we can keep doing events of that caliber, we would be set.... money is good, its something my bro and i love doing and its exciting as hell....

2) what a good day of skating it was today.... you really dont know when good days like these come by and when they do, they remind you why you love skating.... i always wonder if its possible to teach and make skateboarding into a curriculum, like the ppl at sp have done.... its days like these that make me say its not possible to do so.... skateboarding is like a bird, you cant put it in a cage with rules and time lines... some of the best parts of it cant be taught, you just have to go and do it... no one can tell you how fun it is to bomb hills or spend hours working on tricks, you just have to do it for yourself.... skateboarding is not for everyone, some people try it and fine its not their thing... thats perfectly fine, but for the people who do stay on and keep at it, build friendships on it, and share the experience with others, there really isant any way to describe how magical it is....

3) the great presents i got for my birthday from my friends at school.... 2 books, 2 jazz cds and a bottle of martell.... doesnt get much better than that....

4) people in a foreign land i would like to meet some day......

100 posts....... funny how i used to hate ppl who kept blogs.... now look at me....

one hell of a drinking session at my place last night with the guys.... sometimes it feels good to drink till you black out.....

meeting with the sim ppl to discuss the party.... looks good and fun, but the costing definitely has me concerned..... hope we get the job....

great day of skating with sam 1 and sam 2 today.... at first we thought it was going to be shitty cos it was drizzling and thought the day was going to be full of flat land.... skating some drain cover at a basket ball court, then the nice curbs..... dinner and intimate conversations about politics, singaporean society and world event....

here is where the night got rad.... playing sames of shove variations, and finally playing strip manual competitions.... imagine 3 sweaty guys skating under the void deck in their socks and boxers.... with new era caps....

here are the photos to prove it:




skating today reminds me why ive stuck with it for 6 years.... sometimes it doesnt matter if your skating some shitty spot and it just rained, whats important is that your with good friends and this love for skating has brought you guys together.... at times we can have the best spots but the vibe can suck, so its really the people that make the session so amazing.... even if you dont do anything amazing that day, so what?? i didnt do anything memorable today but i played a longest manual competition game with my friends that ended up with us being naked.... for me that is enough for a good day of skate.... i dont regularly post up pictures unless it was a meaningful event, and this day of skate was one of them....

good day, except for the hang over....

and to all my friends who got me gifts for my birthday, thanks loads....

2 exams atarting in 6 hours time, skate after.....

the bar job for SIM job is getting me so amped and stressed.... well its stuff like this that i quit working in a bar for.....

im hungry and want to eat my delicious pasta.... the key is pasta water, with some butter/grease....

i desperately need to drink... my tank is on empty and im having that horrible sensation you get when you havent had a good drink.....

postal service and magic numbers rock....



----------------
Now playing: The Magic Numbers - Forever Lost
via FoxyTunes

my back is fucked up from skating a jump ramp today, the guys at SP decided to lock up the boxes so sam and i had to skate flat land and do some serious chilling at macs.....

so much stuff i want to film stuff at, ill use next week to try and get some in.....

finals on friday..... the impact of kafka's a report to an academy is not hitting me.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lassi
read the bit on bhang lassi.... i wish i had some right now....

----------------
Now playing: John Coltrane - Blue Train (Alternate Take)
via FoxyTunes

sit up: 5 pts
broad jump: 4 pts
chin up: 5 pts
shuttle run: 5 pts
2.4 km run: 5 pts

9:06, a personal best for me, previous best was 9:17, so im super stoked.....



alas my camera phone takes shitty photos....

at the request of gabi's i shall talk about the newspaper article i appeared in.... i took the newspaper and was typing it in my room, when i realized i could just link the article from my blog.... i suck at typing....


ok fuck i just realised you have to subscribe to view their articles...... FUCK!!!

ok here we go again:

The Straits Times, 19th June 2008, Front Page

ANderson junior college student kenneth tham scored 2 a's and a b in his a levels and had his heart set on studying psychology.
he was offered a place at the singapore management university but instead chose a private course- the state university of new york at buffalo programme run by the singapore institiurte of management.
the priveate education route meant a quicker, more direct path to realising his dream of becoming a clinical psychologist.
he explained:"i can get a basic degree and masters in 4 years through the private school route. the smu degree would have taken me 4 years, after which i woul have to spend another 1 to 2 years on a masters course.
studying in australia aor the united states would have been too costly for his widowed mother and older sister to afford. 3 years at SIM would cost close to 60k. the additional one-year masters programme would cost another 30k.
the 22 YO is now in his second year after scoring a perfect GPA of 4 in his first year. he hopes to graduate with honours.


ok thats all the article said about me.... sorry for the horrible spelling and grammar, i hate reading off stuff and typing....

and forget abt the photo, i look like hell in it.... probably because i was drinking the night before, and they forgot to inform me about the timings for the photoshoot.....

read frank kafka's the metamorphosis.... solid read....

the stranger is amazing too.... pity it is empty and meaningless...

ippt in 3 days time....


When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.


sorry i had to put this in....

turns out my ipod is in sams car.... must have left it there when we went skating on sunday....

my beatles songs are not cataloged properly, and its grinding my gears.....

i thought it would be nice to change the look of my blog.... except for the template and the picture of the duck at the bottom, its all the same....

i have been hungry for 2 days.... steak dinner on Sat with the family, still hungry.... shitty fish and chips today, still hungry....

driving my uncle's nissan for the week, i miss my mom's renault already....

cant find my fucking ipod....

watch, no country for old men if yor looking for an intense movie.... so little dialog but the camera work really tells the story....

ippt was supposed to be this saturday, but got cancelled due to so many nsf's dying during training... so ill be taking it next week, which means an additional week of running....

god thats painful....

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

that movie Hitch was good for something....

decided to take my old emerica ellingtons to skate with today... the sole disintegrated and fell off, so i used massive amounts of duct tape to hold it together but it still didnt skate right....

nollie 5-0's, nose manny shoves, fakie ollie fakie 5-0 and bs 180 nosegrinds.....

filming on sunday, hope it goes well....

planning for the bangkok trip is getting me stressed.... so much to consider......

house party at sams friends place, did the bartending for it.... too much mixer but the money i earned was decent, gave out name cards and made a few contacts... had to drive home after that and i have a lunch to attend tmr....

driving to school.... stoked.....

front smith, back smith, back tail.... relearning tricks is always good...

bar event this coming saturday, but im missing the martell event on thursday due to examination on friday.... looking to bring back around 40-50 from the party, and hanging around fun people should make for a good time...

started smoking marlboro ultra light, something i laughed at my brother for a while back... but it helps to quit the habit slowly....

philosophy text, dont fail me now....

ok i cheated today, bought a pack of L&M reds for work and loved every puff i took....

managed to lose the back of my ear stud (4th ive lost) and my ear stud just now running...

philosophy class is wack, just a bunch of assholes who just want to yell out any opinion they have about the text without any substance.... not to sound sanctimonious, but all the talk of religion, god, love and doing good just seemed so pedantic.... and it was ironic that we were reading about socrates and how knowing that you know nothing makes you wise, because all these fucks were trying to act like they knew something....

or maybe it was the lack of nicotine that got me all edgy....

ok but in my defense, that girl in class with the fake american accent was fucked as hell.... just listening to her talk made me feel like i was being coated in a thick layer of slime, so bad was it that i shuddered everytime she rose her hand to give an "opinion" that was supposedly insightful....

on a lighter note, dreamboat annie by heart is a good listen....

days quit smoking: dunno. quit already....

days without smoking: 6

ok i cheated at the beach, smoked a 1/5 of a pack.... but when in rome...

sunburnt, but at least i have work tmr....

days without smoking: 5

finished assembling a cupboard from ikea with mom....

its probably been said a million times, but all hail cardiel.... that dude is seriously inspiring and the next time you feel like giving up skating, look at john cardiel, and make sure you keep skating for people like him....

days without smoking: 3

went skating today, minimal urge to smoke.....

skated from 10 to 4 in the afternoon....

days without smoking: 2

but with the help of 2 sticks to make it through skating....

days without smoking: 1

spent the day playing gta so the urge to smoke is not as strong, but skating tmr will be a test....

better suppress my urges with a healthy glass of rum...

grades are coming out soon... looks like i chose a bad time to quit smoking....

damn i need a smoke now....

days quit smoking: 0 and counting

went for a run today and decided to quit smoking.... seems to be a yearly event for me....

todays skating was good.... drove to sp with alvin 1, alvin 2 and sam, took out the rails and boxes.... relearning old tricks like back 50's, back 5-0's, back feebles and nose mannys.... felt good and it was a relaxed chilled out session....

at least we got to skate new places, while keeping the RPM at max of 2.2....

semi hung over, skating later.... provided the guys manage to get off the xbox and in the car....

big spins are the shit to do....

and the new mariah carey video makes me all happy:



and this nas song gets me hyped:

looks like my list of trick is going to have to hold on for a couple more weeks while my ankle loosen up a bit... at least i learned nollie lipslides today....

been studying since 6 in the after noon and it is now almost 5 in the morning.... finishing up writing notes for UGC, 6 chapters down and 1 left....

need a smoke, some redbull and plow through the last chapter....

week of hell, here i come... skating will follow soon....

you know what, fuck it, im going to skate this friday at sp.... 5 weeks off the board is too long for me.... even if its just rolling around, i need to start skating again...

this is skateboarding....

to add to the list

switch boardslides (front more than back, wan made them look so good back in the day)
fs noseblunts (provided my left foot gets better)

shalyns bar event 2 in days.... all stocks in and working with my brother... should be good...

other tricks to work on when i get back skating:

front smiths (koston does them perfectly, got inspired)
switch skating (the basics, 180s and shit)
nollie nosegrinds
front board 270 revert out

xrays today showed its no fracture, but there is a severely injured ligament.... ankle in brace tmr and looks like no skating for 6 weeks....

fuck....

almost a week in and my ankle is still fucked, guess its not an ordinary sprain.... might be a slight fracture or crack.... xrays on tuesdays will tell....

been keeping busy planning for shalyns bartening event, which has really reignited my love for bartending.... it is my dream to start a bartending-catering business with my brother like we discussed last year....

ive strangely been more psyched on skating than i have been in the past.... having it taken away from me has made me realise how much it means to me, and how i want to keep it a part of my life.... hell i was even thinking about taking up skate photography or filming while recovering just to be able to be part of skateboarding...

tricks to work on when i start skateboarding again:

back tails (as always)
back smiths (thanks to fully flared)
fs 360s (i had of dream of doing them knee high the other night)
lien to tails reverts on minis (the thought came while smoking)
back lips (was trying them then the injury)
kickflips (hey a busted ankle might do good things)

in closing, go watch all 16 episodes of cardiel epicly later'd.... so fucking inspirational.... in a nut shell, john cardiel broken his back in a freak accident and was told by doctors he would never walk again.... through his positive outlook on life, he was able to show up the doctors and is returning to his love, skateboarding....

www.vbs.tv

ankle is in a cast, have to walk around in crutches.... life is a bitch... quitting skateboarding seems like an option at times like these....

skate tour today was horrible... fuck weather, fuck spots and fuck ankle on the last trick of the day... fucking rolled it ollieing down a stupid set of 5 at toa payoh.... times like these make me feel like quitting....

see how the pain is tmr, may have to go for an xray....

ok so heres the plan for 20th march skating....

sam come pick me up at my place at 11, we go and get alvin and jeff..

warm up at jerrelds stage

kovan, stairs and see what else

bedok, hopefully we can find a low rail...

then work and dinner and whatever...

bring camera, extra board i you think youll break one....

you know what grinds my gears?

mika, he should not be allowed in music
not being able to get UFC 82 downloaded

things i hate:

prison break
lost
greys anatomy
heroes
butch walker
jason maraz
paying $10 for a pack of smokes....

i better update this blog w/ an entry before the account expires

so here it is...

2007 in retrospect

-went from being employed to unemployed
-worked as a waiter and eventually a bartender
-drank way too much, but on the upside it was good booze
-made too many "mistakes"
-almost fell in love, then realised that it was not going to work out
-went back to school for 2 sems, scored well for both of them
-met some cool and some not-so cool ppl at school, drank with the cool ones, got dissed by the not-so cool ones
-sprained ankle attempting my first handrail, which put me on the injured list for a long time
-my big brothers "incident"
-introduction to guinness draught, macallan whiskey, martell and hennessy cognac, blavdo vodka, tanquery gin and barcardi rum
-back feebles, front blunt fakies, back nosegrinds, back smiths, blunt to fakies on quarter pipes, bs bigspins and of course all my stock tricks
-started listening to pink floyd, alan parsons project, band of horses, wolfmother, stereophonics, sonic youth, soundgarden, the smiths and more beatles
-the year of fully flared!!

and i intend to spend my new years wasted and in bed before midnight, wake up in 2008, assuming the world does not destroy itself...

so here a big fuck you 2007...... and a fuck you to 2008....

heres a great video by depeche mode called enjoy the silence....

bangkok trip was fun, lots of drinking and chilling by the beach was great....

4.0 gpa for 2nd sem, which is sick too, i thought i would get an a- for my SOC....

woot....

you play basketball, and you play football

but you dont play skateboarding....

exams a week away, chilling at home studying....

come on 4.0 GPA!!

cant wait to party when exams are over...

details of skate tour on thursday (8th nov)

Timing:
11am till late

Skate Spots:
Jerrelds Stage
8 stair handrail at Evergreen
Tampines (ledge to drop, stairs, some rails)

Mode of Transport:
Van, rented

Other events:
-Riding ard Singapore in the back of a van for the first time in your life!!
-Dinner and booze at Sams place (tequila and quasidilas)
-Awesome day of skate with good friends

Things to bring:
yourself
your gnar-factor
board (a spare one in case you think you might break 1)
Drinks and candy (we are getting an ice box, so bring a huge bottle of drink so we dont have to keep buying drinks!!!)
your skills to the battle
camera (to capture that priceless switch flip down 10)
$12 (to cover food and tpt costs)
wax (ill bring some but who knows how buttery you want the ledge to be)


Where to meet:
Sams place at 1030 AM, or at Jerrleds place direct if you live near him


so remember to be early, so we can get a good long day of skating (and sex) in and top it off with food and drink!

new shoes once again, the Atlanta shoes got ripped up in 3 days of skating....

koston selects.... sweet....

i bruised both my knees..... but i got a pop shove it down the YP stage... so its worth it....

the small price for my love of skateboarding....

This is my first header on a blog!!!

I just learnt how to use html in school, so thats kinda tight....

rough day of skating at sp, my body got pretty badly fucked up....

the shoes got ripped up really bad, really fast....

heres a clip to make anybodys day:

here is something you cant understand, how i can just kill a man

i like this song by Cyrpress Hill.... Nothing more....

the shoes got ripped up pretty fast, after 2 days of skating.... bummer...

just finished the final touches of the comms project.... its been a bitch doing it.... fuck....

the other night i dreamnt of her.... but the memory fade as soon as i woke up....

i need cigarettes and i dont want to smoke my brothers menthols.....

a beer would be great now.....

lol.....

Old DC Shoes, skated for around 10 months....



Incredible board feel thanks to the thin sole with a hole in it....






New Kicks

the state of skate today was great.... skate the whole evening at SP with the guys and it gets my so psyched to see everyone improving...

jeff is getting more consistent with his ledge tricks, alvins many combinations are off the chain..... sorry sam didnt watch you skate much today....

for myself, i finally landed bs feebles.... for the one i tried styling it out, i couldnt land them, but the loc-cock ones i lock in were successful....

hahaahahaha im such a kook....

skating on sundays with the guys was great.... everyone was dead tired at the end of the day and that is some how an amazing feeling....

seeing that guy in the park tear the tranny up got me so psyched to learn how to skate tranny..... no handed fs and backside airs above the coping, blunt stalls which he popped CLEANLY out of, tweaked out melon to fakie airs and kickflip bs airs.....

and i broke my deck.... landed square in the middle of my deck doing a fs 180 over a rope barrier.... im amazed it lasted as long as it did....

theres never a right time or right way to break someones heart and give them bad news.... theres never a right time to say good bye....

there were moments when i thought you could be the one but i believe in following my instincts and gut feeling.... the connection just was not there, and at times i felt like i had to force conversation....

somebody kill me now.....

guys are jerks.....

im a terrible human being..... 2 bottles of hennessy later, i still feel like shit.... i dont even remember what happened last night.....

someone strike me down now....

this is the first time i cried in years.....

"i never wanted to be your weekend lover"

fuck im one horrible individual.... i have never felt worse abt myself than i do right now.... i need to say it soon, before its too late....

im going to hell....

sometimes i wonder if im doing something wrong.... i wonder if things are making progress.....

am i just being petty and oversensitive over a matter like breakfast?

i woder how much you're into me, whether im just wasting my time.... maybe thats what we need, time.... or will it delay the inevitable.....

you make me a happy person and i think your an amazing person with great strength that most can only hope to have... but i wonder if we will be great together....


"cos we're just 2 lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"

Pink Floyd


fuck i need a drink....

claris made a dedication for me on local radio..... i didnt hear it but it was sweet of her..... so heres mine to her:

Days Go By
Dirty Vegas

Cool video and the lyrics express how i feel about you.... enjoy...



i wish i could dance like that....

looks like saturdays plan will need to be cancelled, untill we get a set of lock picks, or enough ppl to tear a door down...

gotta pull something out of my ass asap....

i dont like ppl behind me reading my blog entries....

sunday was good.... except for having to run from the cops which cut the sesh short...

long cols bus ride and i managed to get home before last bus...

things are going swimingly, but im still looking for the right time...

this week ill implement the plan

saturday/sunday morning was great, best time ive had with someone in a really long time... i hope it leads on to greater things, but like i always say to her, pace is the key... and timing is everything....

rum, stella, MGD and a failed attempt at watching kung pow... good times indeed....

I had to do an english essay on something unique so here it is, let me know what you think:

The crew had finally assembled, despite 1of the members being late, at The Youth Park Stage, which would be the starting point for their day of skateboarding. LTP, as we are known as, is a band of travelling artists, each individual bringing their personal and unique craft, each new skate spot serving as a new canvas onto which a masterpiece would be created, with their inspiration fuelled by the companionship between them.

Ordinary objects to the common man represented a breath of opportunity to the skateboarders. The marble curbs scattered across the Central Business District of Singapore are for more than just sitting down. They provide a platform for skateboarders to perform incredibly complicated tricks upon, a medium for which artistic ideas can be fully expressed and personalised.

While it did resemble a sport in terms of the need for physical exertion, skateboarding lacks the competitive element that is the cornerstone of the fore. Skateboarders are rarely in competition with each other; their only opponent would be themselves. They are merely people who share a passion, and would love to see nothing more than the progression of this way of life.

Our journey begins in downtown Orchard Road at The Youth Park Stage. Nestled in the centre of Singapore’s busiest district, the elevated stage stands roughly 4 steps high, and is seen as the proving grounds for all skaters. As we begin to warm up for the long day of enjoyable physical punishment, a sense of excitement and freedom is felt among all of us, as we know that today will be one of the few occasions we will be able to be fully self expressed. One by one, we start to take our simple flips and spins down The Stage, much like the artist who starts his masterpiece with simple sketches and outlines, eventually building up to his final work of art
Out of the blue, Alvin, a feisty young skater who has little regard for his own safety, decides to attempt a technically demanding trick down The Stage. After a series of failed attempts that land in physical pain, he senses that he is getting close to pulling off something initially inconceivable. He summons one of us to start recording each try on the video camera, and ignoring the bruises and scrapes dealt to his body he soldiers on, giving it go after go.

Disaster nearly strikes when Alvin nearly injures his ankle on the last attempt, but being the committed skateboarder he is, he ignores the nagging fear at the back of his head, as well as the natural human tendency to nurse his injuries and decides to give it another go.

As he rolls towards the edge of The Stage, he mind is completely silent. He taps his skateboard against the tiled floor, launching it into the air. The flick of his toe, combined with the rotation of his shoulders, sends the board spinning horizontally then laterally. The top of the deck slaps the soles of his feet as he complete a 180 degree rotation. He braces himself for the landing as he floats slowly towards the ground, bending his knees to absorb the impact as he rolls away from a Backside Kickflip down The Stage.

In that span of 3 seconds, his mind is a blank slate. Despite the technically demanding nature of the trick, Alvin is not reading an instructional manual while executing the trick. His body is simply responding to the single thought running through his head. The 3 seconds are flickers of pure inner peace, where nothing at all in the world matters and you are completely lost in the moment. Neither the cracks on the floor, the sound of traffic zooming by nor the scorching heat can distract Alvin in his moment of complete clarity. The distractions fade into the background as the trick takes centre stage, and the skate is in complete control, creating something out of nothing, and lost in his world of Zen.

As Alvin rolls away from The Stage, we rush forward to congratulate him. However, he is the last one who is rejoicing, and insists on doing the same trick again after reviewing the last take on the video camera. 5 flawless attempts later, Alvin is finally satisfied with himself, sitting down, lighting a cigarette up and letting the world, as well as the joy catch up with him.

5 hours after leaving The Stage and the bustle of Orchard Road, we find ourselves at the West end of Singapore in the most obscure of locations. We are underneath the train tracks and it is a concrete wasteland. Indeed this would be a plot of wasted space had a few die-hard skateboarders not decided to create a makeshift skate park out the land, metal drain covers and plenty of concrete. News of The Banks, as the spot was known as was spread through word of mouth and while to some the obstacles looked like a heap of wasted effort, to my crew, we were in paradise.

Despite having tortured our bodies during the entire afternoon of skating, we are still energized and hungry to take our skills to battle. Like a pack of wolves going after herd of sheep, we being to dissect the concrete behemoth, attacking the parts that best suit our abilities, each of us hungry to leave our mark on the skate spot. As this goes on, we feed off each other’s creativity, and one person landing a trick becomes a group accomplishment.

As the evening sun beings to sit, it comes down to me and a makeshift ledge that slopes downwards across steep embankment. I’ve been toying with the idea go getting a trick across the ledge for the past 5 minutes. My friends remind me that it has actually been 30 minutes since I started riding up to the ledge, stopping before it, testing the surface to grind up and adjusted my shoes. Heart has been racing since I first even considered trying the trick, and he stress I was experiencing made me wonder why I have would want to do something so potentially hazardous.

I finally decide to go for it and on my first attempt I am sent hurtling towards the harsh and unforgiving concrete, landing with a loud thud that resembles a bowling dropping to the floor. As lie motionless, my friends rush to my side to check my conditions, it almost feels like the aching pain felt in my left arm is felt by the people who help me to my feet. Now the “first-try-gitters” out of the way, I rush to give the trick another whirl, and my crew look on with a combination of fear for my safety encouragement.

Another painful slam later, I decide to give the trick another go. This time all is right, the stars are aligned and the Gods look down upon me with favour. Battered and bruised my friends rush to join in my celebration and I am left wondering how they can be so happy for something that they are not even a part of. In fact they seem even happier than I am to have landed the trick.

Perhaps it is not about who has done what trick where, but rather skateboarders are happy when one of their own pushes their own limits, overcomes adversity and becomes someone greater than themselves. Indeed, no one felt upstage, inferior nor diminished as a skateboarder. Maybe it was because we all had a burning passion for our art skateboarding, and that they were content in people doing their very best in it and having a good time. There is no striving to be the best among us, as the best does not exist. Each of us is a unique individual who contributes in whatever way we can to bring progress to this way of life.

As the sun slowly behind the rows of high rise public apartments, the LTP crew sit outside a convenience store sharing cheaply made carbonated drinks, musing about the amazing day that had transpired. The aches and pain experience in our bodies were a small price to pay for the sheer enjoyment we experience today. Huddling around the tiny screen of the video camera, we reviewed the snippets of the day gone by, each of us wondering at the back of our heads who we keep skateboarding. In the span of a day, we had experience an entire spectrum of emotions, ranging from the elation when a friend breaks his physical limits, to the pain felt when one of our own is injured, to the oneness of mind and body.

As we step on our skateboards and push off into our separate ways home, we are reminded of what makes skateboarding so special to each of us. . Perhaps what keeps us going is the sense of brotherhood we have, coupled with a passion for skateboarding, topped off with our pursuit of artistic excellence that reminds us why we are LTP, but more importantly, skateboarders, people who keep on pushing.

looking at my life these days, the fuck care attitude seems to be my mantra.... when you stop giving a fuck abt the little things, you become disconnected with the world that is so full of bullshit...

im really beginning to not give a fuck abt what ppl think....

whatever....

i went for my first date with claris to the zoo last sunday, the 2nd of aug and it was really fun.... good times with a great girl.... i rarely go on dates so this was great...

being with her rekindles a feelign ive not felt in a while... even sam says i sound different now, which is a good thing...

i once posted abt a bob marley song, is this love, when i just broke up with janice, my ex... i posted that in hopes of trying to get her back... i listened to the song today and i felt like posting abt it again because it expresses how im feeling right now abt claris....

I want to love you
I want to love and treat you right
I want to love you, everyday and every night

i want things to work out.... i guess ill have to take things slow, just like at kokomo..... another song by the beach boys....

what to do.... fuck, why do i have to be so akaward around them...

drinking is my only solace to a night i made an idiot of myself....

fuck this shit....

the skate tour with the boys was great.... 6 guys in a car, going from spot to spot and just having fun, filiming and getting photos... really good times with good friends, going to bukit batok, lakeside, kovan and amk....

but ssing my friends skate has made me realise how much they have progressed over time....

sam: LTPs resident switch master, from fucking up left ankle to a guy who cant skate anything not switch...

alvin: ATV, skating anything and everything.... when i first knew him he could only do boardslides and noselsides on curbs, now the fucker can match me trick for trick on a mini ramp... good diversity and skates anything in front of him....

jerreld: still has one of the cleanest and most consistent flips among any of us... hes mellowed out a lot, but still a great guy to qoute borat lines with....

jeff: fearless as fuck... hes got his ollies and pop shove its on lock...

sam (bb): always a joy to hang with with his random one-liners and strange sense of humour.... he mellowed out alot too but but his half cab heels are still popped and proper...

me: im just happy to skate with good friends who are willing to put up with my last trick requests, even if i do take one too many tries at stuff...


skate tours like these really revive my hinger for skating, and makes me feel yound again... it reminds me of a simpler time when i didnt work, and skating was my only concern.... being able to get something filmed or photograpped is a great accomplishment for me because these days i hardly get anything done... bringing old tricks to new spots or new trick to old spots, the situation is never the same and it reminds me how fun skating should be...

great fun lets do this again soon guys....

schools lame... when i came to uni i expected it to be full of mature thinking young adults... instead all i see is a bunch of immature fucks who cant tell the difference between a joke and seriousness.... jesus fucking christ its shit like this that really grinds my fucking gears...

nobody needs this bullshit in their life, and i got better things to do with my life than take this from a bunch of cry baby bitches... if you got a fucking problem with me, say it to my fucking face rather than hide behind a girl whose nice and sweet to talk trash about me.... if you look up the word pathetic in the dictionary, you would see the faces of these ppl....

fuck this pretentious bull shit....

i talked to sam today and he told me that alvin felt like skating... ive felt the same way especially recently when work is beging to take over skateboarding...

thinking about it, i find it impossible to quit skating forever... all over my home im surrounded with all things skateboarding, like its music, magazines, decks, videos and clothing... i could never quit skating, the love for it is just too great....

besides what else could i do if i quit....